Why am I doing this?

Disclaimer: This will be the only post that breaks from the diary format. Before diving into the personal entries of my real life, I wanted to explain why I’ve created this website and what you can expect. Every post from here on out will be raw, unfiltered, and told as if you’ve stumbled upon my private journal. Welcome to my story.

Why am I doing this? Writing my real-life actual diary online for the entire world to see. What's wrong with me? Why can't I be "normal" and keep this private? Any normal personal would just write this down in an actual physical journal. Or perhaps, if they're like me and get the slightest hand cramp after 3 minutes of writing, they'd just open up a Google or Word Doc on their computer and type away. I guess I could also just write in my Notes app on my phone. Especially since I'm constantly on my phone. About 7 hours a day according to my screen time stats. But I'm not normal....Obviously. So, here we are.

Don't get me wrong. I've been a journal gal all my life. Up until high school, I suppose. My closet is stacked with about 6 journals that I dare not open. Reading old diary entries is like listening to your voice on a recording. It's weird, cringy, awkward, funny, sad, etc. I will admit that this time around I tried to do this the old fashion way...I spent $28.72 on Amazon on a journal that I was sure to write in. My hand cramped after a few minutes and I felt like I was masking in my own personal journal. It was weird. Here's what I wrote,

"I wanted to start writing in a journal again because I feel like life is passing by so quickly, my memory hasn't been the best, and I hope one of my kids or future great grandchildren will enjoy this. haha. All I'm saying is how cool would it be for me if I had my great grandma's journal? Pretty cool! Today I'm working from home. However, I'm part of a Fantasy Football League that's currently having it's draft. So that's running in the background of my computer. I work for ______ as their ______. It's a fun yet stressful job."

What the actual heck...I mean I'm not lying. It would be super juicy to read my grand grandmother's journal. My memory hasn't been the best lately...and life is passing by quickly. However, I wasn't being my true authentic self. I was writing the journal as if someone was reading over my shoulder. Plus, my hand cramp was making me not want to write everything down. I hate to admit this but I was going to start highlighting items just to shorten the amount of words I'd have to write. haha!

I know it's backwards thinking but I'm basically doing the opposite with this online diary/journal. I'm going to write as if no one will ever read it. Actually, maybe no one will ever ready this. Which is fine by me. Besides, I'm not sure how popular the Google Search term, "secret online diary" is. Lol...I'm actually hoping it's not a very popular search term. I'm considering this a sort of therapeutic diary and I'm doing this for myself. I have no intention of hurting anyone's feelings and by remaining anonymous, I won't feel pressured to write this, "the right way". I can be my true self. I'm hoping this will allow me to document my life, the good, the bad, the amazing, the heartbreaking etc... Added bonus if this somehow helps me heal from my past traumas. Haha jk jk.

I sincerely apologize in advance for my scatter-brain thoughts and grammatical errors.